WiiMotion- New upcoming Nintendoness to make you feel AWRIGHT!

It’s new and shiny! It’s the all new WiiMotion, hitting your stores June 2nd!

WiiMotion offers you what your old WiiMotes couldn’t- true to life 1:1 motion, and beware! All future Wii games deemed for a June release will be using this little beautiful gadget, so make sure you buy a pair!

They’ll set you back about £20 from any good retailer for one, so expect your Wii kit to be a little more expensive than it was to begin with. Saying that, £20 for what the WiiMotion offers you is astounding. Imagine playing tennis, and seeing actual CUTS and SLASHES that are true to life?

Have a tissue to clear up the gunk. I know you need one, because I do.

TEAM STARFOX HOLD THE BARRIERS, MOMMA’S GOT 1:1 MOVEMENT BABIES!

I mean SRSLY, this excites me more than knowing Manchester just won against Arsenal. Get in!

Piracy concerns for gaming… In other news- kill all cheap people with fire.

Piracy.

No, I’m not talking “Yo Ho Ho” or Somalian’s with only one leg.

R4 card. Ring any bells?

Sure, it’s easy enough to just accuse anyone of downloading the odd game here and there- but the point stands that piracy IS theft. And is actually really hurting the gaming community. Sony calls levels of piracy “sickening”, believing the theft to be taking a particular chunk of the PSP market, and accounting for poor game release as more and more developers turn their sites to consoles that are safer in regards to piracy.

The truth is, there is no safety where piracy is concerned. It’s safe to assume that most of the world is pretty scummy, and scummy people are too cheap to pay for a good gaming experience, but not too cheap to pay for good sex. The logic there should be baffling, but sadly isn’t so. Most gamers are far too consumed in their gaming to attract the opposite sex. You’ve got to get it somewhere.

PC gaming is where it’s hurting most right now, with Doom 3 creators iD software warning that if the problem of pirated PC games wasn’t stopped soon, the platform could be abandoned entirely.

“Some developers are taking that approach” he told the Game Developers Conference. And you know what? He’s spot on. Working in a video game store, I’m seeing less and less releases for PC. GAME is even thinking of slowly liquidising its stock out, like a gazpacho of the high street. So very tomatoey.

It’s estimated that losses from piracy in Eastern Europe, Asia and South America are around 90%- now that’s pretty darn high!

You might think that piracy doesn’t apply to you. I ask you one question. When the hell did you get made a citizen without authority? This isn’t bloody Mad Max. It’s real life, with real laws. So man up you pansy eating testicle swilling nerd. Buy a game. Ask for student discount if that applies. And buy a Nintendo DSi so I can see you cry when your R4 card chokes on dicks.

On a  serious note, piracy is real. It isn’t just chavs, it’s you at home on MiniNova.

For the love of God, if you can’t afford games, you should probably just a read a book. If reading a book doesn’t make you particularly moist then I mourn the loss of Darwin’s theory of evolution. Go load a pistola.

New Bioshock footage!

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Have you seen this!? Posted just a few hours on ALL major game sites, here’s a sneak peek at the new Bioshock 2 coming out later this year! I’m actually psyched. It looks so freaking scary, I’m pretty sure I’ll be having screamgasms playing this game.

The Big Sisters are so fast! I mean, wow. Everything is just so sinister! Definite pre-order. Definite.

Peta uses WoW to SAVE THE FRICKING SEALS OMG!!!!

Yes. You read that right. Peta are faggots and created WoW accounts so they could bust your arse over some stupid seals.

“Thrall refused to ban the slaughter of seals, despite multiple requests from the Alliance to do so, because Orgrimmar stands to make a large profit from the fur,” writes PETA on its blog.

You read that right. They’re targeting WoW players who are attacking virtual seals for their virtual fur, for virtual money. VIRTUAL SEALS!!! I mean, by all means do things for a worthy cause. But when you waste your life on virtual seals, you know something is seriously up.

In a way only Peta can go about things, the campaign focuses on… Mass violence and bloodlust. Only this time it’s virtual. Way to prove a point veggies, way to prove a point!

*headdesk*

BIG SISTERS!!!!

Wowee! Finally a preview of Bioshock 2 and… WAIT FOR IT! Big Sisters!

Total nerdgasm, right? YAH FOR SURE.

Looks like the Little Sisters will be kept in a papoose like cage thing, so perhaps harder to harvest the little critters? These new Big Sisters look a lot more agile than the Big Daddy counterpart, so expect lots of running around and blind shooting. Frag grenades. Mines. EVERYTHING.

I’m so psyched about this it’s unreal. She (Big Sister…) is like some weird Tim Burton steampunk creation straight out of the deep. I’ve got goose pimples, and that’s not just from my terrifying furry investigation that’s coming next…

Now that’s what I call AWESOME!

Hah! Look at these! Whoop-ee!

Now that is serious drinking for a king. A LICH king! Amirite or amirite?

The beer steins come in 3 different models, Lich King (pictured) Blood of the Horde and Alliance United and cost about $90.  They’re probably only interesting to major WoW fans with too much neckbeard growth, but I think they’re pretty nifty. If you’re not a heavy drinker, then they can always be used as a paperweight, right? Door wedge? Belated Valentine’s gift?

Click to unleash the awesomeness that is the steins!

Apologies from Azeroth- Wait a min…ARGH!

Yes. My tardiness does have an excuse!

I’ve been on SecondLife, conducting an investigation into: FURRIES!

YES! I will hopefully have screenshots of conversations and the like, and in the meantime I will try and find interesting spots of gamery news to fill you all up on!

PEACE OUT!

Kicking it OLD SCHOOL: AT-AT Boombox is fresher than your mom poppin’ Menthos!

This morning whilst trudging my day through daily geeky crap to bring you news, I came across perhaps the most HAPPENING thing I’ve ever seen in all my days:

A STAR WARS BOOM BOX!

And not just any old Star Wars boom box either! Nuh-uh! This be popping illin’ tunes AT-AT style, dig?

The boom box is provided via the lovely people at Zen77990, and unfortunately even though the good people at the main Star Wars site advertised it (well, I had to search for fraggin’ hours…), I can’t see anyway to get my grubby little mitts on it. I’ll maybe sell my uterus and try and make one myself. Then I can just lay down the beat and daaaance.

I’m so fresh, I ain’t got no expiration date.

Rub yourself against your controller and think of Chewbacca. Furry bastard.

“Take control of someone else’s controller to give them a soothing massage, either locally or over XBox Live. Solo mode lets you use your own controller to relax. Different vibration settings allow you to give the massage you want to give or receive. Supports voice chat so you can request the perfect massage. Great for long distance relationships.”

Go on. Just read that last sentence again:

“Great for long distance relationships.”

HAH. I knew it would one day happen, and I’ve died a bit inside. Someone has invented a way for people to actually masturbate WITH their console. Back in the day, the two had to be remotely separate entities: NOT ANYMORE.

Neckbeards around the world, REJOICE.

Seriously though, the dude that invented this proper needs a shag.

AMIRITE, OR AMIRITE?

I think it begs the question: who pays for an app like this? What is wrong with a vibrator? Why am I so shocked that a nerd actually came up with this!?

If you’re interested in this app, go onto your X360, and look up “Remote Massuese” in Community Games. Then shoot yourself and do the world a huge favour.

3 pieces of news for the price of 1! Wahey, get in!

NASA goes worldwide, red Xbox 360 and… Hamsters that generate electricity!

Whew! A lot has happened in a short time, and today has some very awesome news updates!

 

 

NASA Goes “MASSIF” with new MMORPG Astronaut, said to be “out of this world”…:

NASA has decided to follow the lead of the US Army by making its own promotional MMORPG Astronaut:  Moon, Mars and Beyond.

A quote from Jerry Heneghan developing studio Virtual Heroes says:

 “Players will pick a profession like a roboticist, space geologist, astrobiologist or mechanical engineer and work together as a team as they explore space and complete missions, establishing bases and outposts and travelling to the farthest reaches of the solar system.”

Wow. Interesting stuff, NASA are really trying to appeal to people through… MMORPG’s? Shit man. The last thing this world needs is another outlet for neckbeards to masturbate to alien chicks. There’s already a new Star Wars KOTOR AND Stargate MMO in the pipeline… So NASA trying to be cool? I’m going to stay SCHTUM .

Online space geologist? That’s just a dude clicking on rock shaped things on his monitor… There is nothing cool about playing a geologist. Ever. Even in space. In fact, they pretty much even admit how boring space is:

“We want to create a fun, compelling gaming experience that will give players the chance to learn about science and engineering careers while they play the game,”

Effectively to me, that says “Yeah kids, I’m going to further shit on your dreams by telling you that space is so boring, you have to find a career other than bounty hunter. KTHXBAI”. Space is more “pew pew pew” than “must find more rocks” in my head and always be! Dead Space FTW!

 

Red Xbox 360 Elite- the cat is in the bag. The geese lay eggs at dawn…

After days of rumours from retailers (*COUGH* TOYS R US *COUGH), Microsoft New Zealand finally decided to put the gaming community at ease by officially announcing the new fully-loaded Elite model of the Xbox 360… Soon to arrive in a lovely crimson-red colour! Rumour has it that the unique hue is “exclusive to EB Games”, an outlet in New Zealand, but expect to see these Clifford puppies popping up on eBay’s around the globe, as USA’s Gamestop reportedly has these red beauties on order lists around North America! Keep your eyes peeled for this lovely around the release date of Resident Evil 5, as she’s rumoured to be available as part of a package deal with the game!

Scientists get bored, make jackets for hamsters:

You read that correctly, Georgian scientists have been investigating the use of biomechanical energy by attaching small harness like jackets to hamsters, and setting the little critters free on their cage wheels. Apparently it would take 1,000 hamsters to power a mobile phone, which seems like a bit of a waste to me. Get some fat children on those treadmills, we then combat two evils: pollution and childhood obesity. Leave the hammies alone!

http://videogames.yahoo.com/feature/nasa-unveils-new-online-game/1289633

http://www.kotaku.com/5156170/red-xbox-360-mentioned-officially-by-microsoft

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/scienceandtechnology/science/4731679/Hamsters-in-jackets-harnessed-for-energy.html